To a Wife, a Mother-- My Grandmother

Dear Lola,

Up until now, the fact that you're gone is still not sinking in. Every time I enter your house, I go straight to the refrigerator, hoping to find something to eat (even though there's none), I wait for your voice saying, "Walang laman 'yan! Dun ka kumain sa inyo!"

Or I would scan your living room to see if you're tuning in to your favorite AM station, waiting for sleep to arrive.

Or see you at the back of our house every morning having a good morning exercise.

Or see you go to and fro your house to ours just to check if we have food for you to eat.

I'll miss the times we have a good laugh, teasing each other. Your laugh was the best sound I've ever heard. Why? Because it's not fake.

I'll miss the times you fart infront of my face or fart with Lolo in synchronization.

I'll miss the times you call my name so hard to give us orders to buy you the usual SALONPAS, BISCOTSO, NESCAFE 3in1.

I'll miss your curses every time we play BINGO. Your goal when we play is to make everyone happy even for a little while. You always give me money just so I can play.

I'll miss your very long sermons why I should keep myself fit. You'll always say, "Masama ang kumain ng kumain!" When I ask you if I'm fat, you'll always say, "Okay lang ang ganyan." But still you want to get me in shape.

Lola, you're the best. 15 years of my life is not enough to thank you for everything you've done for us. I always knew you are afraid of death. Why? Because I know you still want to see us in the future and what we will become.

Lately I've been thinking. What if the day comes that I will forget about her? Her face, her laugh, her gestures and mannerisms. I don't want to forget. I want all of her memories be intact with me. She's the most caring and loving Lola.

Now I regret the times I disobey you or shout back at you. I wish I could turn back time. I wish that I could have cared for you even more.

But no, I can't turn back time. Nothing will change. I just hope that you are happy wherever you are now. I know God will not let you on your own. You will always be in my prayers.

I LOVE YOU, LOLA!!!